Whyyyyy did they have to be on opposite sides of the coin? Why couldn’t we have Missy sitting with her past self offering some positive assurances? BREAKS MY HEARTS
I think Michelle did everything she could with this scene, to convey that Missy is very conflicted here, but yes. I agree so hard. Every time I watch this and John backs away with that look of total betrayal and aloneness, I feel ill. Imagine being so unloved that even your own future self rejects you. I always like to think of my flawed past self as someone I would comfort, and say, “It’ll get better.” Not someone I’d injure so they could become me faster. It’s so sad.
Protip, too, on how to make this even more painful: turn up the volume all the way when you watch this scene, and you can hear his little gasp of pain under “and I always will” when she drives in the knife.
Let’s talk about how the Master wants the Doctor to shoot Rassilon as much to have the fact that he was used and duped all his life, when he values his autonomy so much, validated by the Doctor.
Let’s talk about how “you never would, you coward” is a bluff of courageous defiance when really he is terrified and his expression, his eyes, plead for the Doctor to comply. His words command, but his face begs and his face pleads.
Let’s talk about how that little shake of his head in the second to last gif proves that.
This is the closest they ever came to reconciliation without any force involved, and it kills me. It kills me.
You live inside my wall and I, I reach back and hit you harder than God falls: oh Christ, amen, amen, amen; it’s such a line to break, and I, I’m so scared to make another mistake in the end; but I just wanna be happy again; until it all falls down, and where does that leave me? (I’m so alone, God, I’m so alone, I’m so alone, I’m alone…)
Icarus 