Send an accusation and the muse can only answer with “guilty” or “not guilty.”
An accusation thoroughly reciprocated. The Master sits up in their shared bed, skin bare and sleep-warmed, body softer than it might have been in loud and reckless youth, back still sore from Missy’s stab wound. But still alive, and still unquestioningly adoring, even through generations of senseless malice.
“I’d tell you to be the bigger person and not retaliate against me, but that must be a bit difficult for you, given your height.” He pats the Master gently on the shoulder, as if he feels genuinely sorry, but the smirk on his face says otherwise.
“OI!! Ri’ then, listen oop. You an’ I ‘ave got centuries between oos so don’t try any more funny business or I’ll lamp ya, understood? This’s no time t’be stroppy, m’only tryin’ to ‘elp and I’m all set bein’ shocked, thanks, so pack it in or I’ll toss you into a supernova!”
The Master strolls into the kitchen, where his best friend is speaking in Northern Tongues while threatening to assault a toaster.
Typical Tuesday, really.
He sniffs, holds up a forefinger, and winks at her as though to suggest he has the entire situation well in hand.
Then, this technical genius, this intellectual titan … . bangs hard, three times, on the side of the toaster.
Intimidated, it tremulously surrenders perfect toast.
Somehow, the Master doesn’t miss a beat (hey, he’s always had excellent rhythm) when the Doctor springs this whimsical request. Mid-pouring of tea, he fluidly spins and gestures to her for attention.
“Well darling, you know that an actual living child requires regular maintenance, right? More than, say, a cat, or a spinning delivery bot head, or a cactus, or a Type-40 TARDIS that a certain someone else,” and he tugs on his own suit lapels, “regularly tends do. She’ll need food, and affection, and probably school of some kind, and next thing you know she’ll be dating, and acquiring moral principles, and asking you where babies come from. Can you feed and water a darling human girl with dedication?”
Icarus 